What It Was Like
Posted on November 30, 2008
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This will be my last post in November to honor National Prematurity Awareness Month. During the month I’ve been blessed to find new bloggers and resources that focus on both infertility and premature birth. These two topics go together more often than we realize. If we all work together we can raise the level of awareness about both infertility and prematurity. This is my story of what it was like four years ago when my twins were born too soon…
It was October 6, 2004. The Ob/Gyn who had refused to discharge me from the hospital just 2 weeks earlier when I was 28 pregnant was standing at the foot of my bed in the labor and delivery unit. He was explaining my options, basically he had decided a c-section would be the best option if my contractions didn’t stop. I was only 30 weeks pregnant and not ready for my twins to enter this world so early, so small, and so vunerable.
A little while later the neonatologist from the Neonatal Intenstive Care Unit (NICU) walked into my room and sat down. She made herself comfortable, she was planning on staying awhile. She explained the equipment that my babies would be placed in and hooked up too. After telling me that 28 week babies have the same survival rate of a full-term baby, she started to explain all of the complications that my babies might experience since they were 10 weeks too soon. Within a matter of minutes I was both reassured and scared to death.
A few hours later my body decided it was time for my babies to arrive. The doctors and nurses couldn’t stop my contractions with medications. My contractions were so strong that Baby A started to crown before they got me on the operating table. They didn’t have time to prepare me for the spinal tap (thank God) and Baby A was born naturally. Baby B, on the other hand, was transverse so they had to place me under general anestesia for an emergency c-section. Baby A was 2 lbs 11.0 oz and Baby B was 2 lbs 9 oz. They were wisked away immediately after their birth, placed on ventilators and encapsulated in an incubator.
Eight hours after their birth I would find out that my twins were both girls and shortly thereafter I would see them for the first time. It was 24 hours after their birth before I would touch them for the first time. I remember asking the nurse when/if I could hold them. The next 7 weeks would be full of ups and downs. The NICU is a place of wonder, but also a place of emotional trials.
One of our daughters, Baby B, was what they call a “feeder/grower” as she had mostly good days in the NICU and was able to progress easily with feedings and into a big girl crib. She was the rock that helped keep me sane while Baby A struggled almost daily.
Baby A got sick at day 9. They diagnosed her with NEC - a preemie disease of the intestine. When she was 5 weeks old she had her first surgery to remove the damaged portion of her large intestine. She had 2 strictures in her intestines that were blocking food from reaching her stomach. After surgery she had a colostomy for a few months. At 6 months of age she had surgery to reverse the colostomy and she’s been healthy since. The weeks prior to and immediately after Baby A’s first surgery were some of the most difficult of my life. Many days I thought she was going to leave us. I lost count of the number of times I saw her bagged (a form of CPR) because she stopped breathing. I’m sure there were times that the nurses and doctors didn’t inform me of - sometimes ignorance is bliss.
Shortly after Baby A became ill my labor and delivery nurse was walking the halls of the NICU. I stopped her and showed her my precious girls. I told her about one of the times Baby A stopped breathing and her blood oxygen levels were 3 percent (they’re supposed to be above 95 percent). She told me that all new moms are afraid their babies aer going to die. While I can appreciate the fear of a new mom, thankfully few of you have or ever will experience what I have. It’s not something I would wish upon my worst enemy.
There are many moms who have lost their babies. My heart goes out to them as I cannot truly appreciate how heartbreaking it must be to lose a child. Over 540,000 babies are born premature each year. Prematurity is the leading cause of newborn deaths, yet it receives very little publicity. I only hope that someday infertility, loss, and prematurity will receive more attention and more dollars for research and prevention.
I’m lucky that both of my babies survived. I’m thankful each and every day of my life for my good luck!
» Filed Under Infertility, Premature Births, pregnancy | Please Share Your Thoughts; Leave a Comment!
Gratitude
Posted on November 25, 2008
With the Thanksgiving holiday just 2 days away, the blogosphere is full of posts about gratitude and being thankful. I wonder, though, how often we really think about what we are thankful for. Do you do this daily? I have a daily reminder to write in my gratitude journal - the “dismiss” button gets clicked a lot even though I am grateful each and every day for my life. Here is my list of what I’m most thankful for today:
1. Being a mom to my two little girls. (And a great big Thank You to the researchers and the medical community for the technologies that allowed me to get pregnant and that kept my girls alive when they were born too early).
2. A good husband. My husband supports me in all that I do, even when I’m not sure I should continue on, he’s cheering me all the way. He’s a great father too and that makes me adore him even more.
3. My mom. Who moved to be closer to my daughters so that she could create a strong relationship with them. It’s been a blessing to have her near. I’m going to miss her terribly when she moves back to Colorado in July 2009!
4. My in-laws. Although we’ve had our share of struggles, they have made an effort to have a pleasant relationship with me. They are good grandparents and a good auntie too. My sister-in-law even called me for advice recently - we’ve come a long way!
5. All my relatives and friends. Life is never complete without friends and family to share in the good times as well as the bad.
6. The lessons I learn each day that challenge me and keep me motivated to do good for others.
May you have a blessed Thanksgiving holiday. What are you thankful for?
» Filed Under Personal Growth | 3 Comments
Holiday Horror Stories
Posted on November 24, 2008
We all have our holiday horror stories. My worst holiday ever was four years ago - the day we brought our daughters home from the NICU for the first time. It should have been one of my best holidays because I had so much to be thankful for. Alisa complied some stories of being Thankless at Thanksgiving.
As the holiday season approaches, I wish everyone a joyful holiday season. It’s a perfect time to reconnect with old friends, make new ones and bond with family members. It’s also a great time to tell people what is going on in your life so they can offer their love and support to help you through your rough patches.
Taking a different spin on Alisa’s article, what are you thankful for this Thanksgiving?
» Filed Under Relationships | Please Share Your Thoughts; Leave a Comment!
Simpleology…
Posted on November 21, 2008
Every now and then I blog about something totally unrelated to my normal blog topics. Today is one of those days. I’ve used a system called Simpleology. The training was, well simple, and it has made me more efficient - or at least acknowledge when I am totally inefficient (and that is a good thing). The company is giving away a free trial of their new blog training system. If you’re interested grab it here:
I’m evaluating a multi-media course on blogging from the folks at Simpleology. For a while, they’re letting you snag it for free if you post about it on your blog.
It covers:
- The best blogging techniques.
- How to get traffic to your blog.
- How to turn your blog into money.
I’ll let you know what I think once I’ve had a chance to check it out. Meanwhile, go grab yours while it’s still free.
Also, congratulations to Laurie at Quips and Tips for Couples Coping with Infertility for winning the November book giveaway, Hope Happens.
» Filed Under Resources, contest | Please Share Your Thoughts; Leave a Comment!
Self-centeredness
Posted on November 19, 2008
Today I realized that self-centeredness is a disease. I say that because I just read a really nice article on Prematurity Awareness Month, “Premature baby goes from 50/50 chance to healthy…” and some of the comments were a surprise. I know when people don’t understand a topic hurtful or inappropriate comments will often appear. I found out that can happen even when they’ve been there too. A few of the readers that had a premature baby were so focused on themselves they didn’t acknowledge the article is about the cause. They left comments basically stating, “Hey, what about me? My baby who was born premature too?”
I recognize that people like to be noticed. They probably would have liked the article to be about them. But who cares which family is chosen for the article? What matters is that an article was written and the cause is being put into the public’s eye. Isn’t that what really matters? Most people don’t know that 540,000 babies are born premature each year. Any article on this topic is a good thing. Period.
In addition, the March of Dimes released their new report card on the United States. It seems to have gotten some attention as I’ve seen a lot of buzz via blogs and online news articles about how poorly we are doing as a nation with regard to these tiny citizens. Read more about the report card on the March of Dimes website.
Every time I see an article on infertility, premature babies or depression I am thankful that someone else is sharing their story. The more stories, the more people will start to talk about these issues that impact millions of people each year. All of these articles are about the CAUSE, not the individuals. An I hope to see a lot more of these articles, no matter which woman or family is interviewed, so that one day infertility and premature babies get as much press as other diseases.
» Filed Under Infertility, Premature Births | 1 Comment
November is National Prematurity Awareness Month
Posted on November 17, 2008
November 12th was National Prematurity Awareness Day. I can honestly say I didn’t see much publicity about this event. The only mention I saw wan an announcement during the news on the ticker scroll at the bottom of the screen. It wasn’t much, but it was more than in years past.
I’m not really surprised there has been little mention of November being a month to bring about awareness for premature babies. There was really no publicity for National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day, which was October 15th. Or National Infertility Awarenss Week, which was October 19th-26th.
Why is it we give to little attention to infertility, loss, and premature babies, yet there is a ton of publicity for other medical issues? Can someone help me make sense of this?
P.S. To honor National Prematurity Awareness, I’m giving away 5 coupons for a free case, yes a full case, of Enfamil Lipil formula. The coupons expire 12/31/08 so you’ll need to take action fast. I’ll provide coupons to the first 5 people who email me with “Enfamil” in the subject line to info@twinpeas.com. I won’t use your email for any other purpose - I respect your privacy.
» Filed Under Premature Births, contest | 2 Comments
The Male Perspective, Part II
Posted on November 14, 2008
Reminder - leave a comment by midnight MST on 11/15 and you’ll be entered to win a copy of Hope Happens - just in time for the holiday season and great for tough economic times!
A friend of mine, Jimmy Moore at Livin La Vida Low Carb, and his wife have shared their story of infertility. I’m posting the links here for one reason - to show the male perspective of this disease. Although there are a few male bloggers discussing infertility, they are in the minority. One thing I didn’t do well was consider how our infertility journey impacted my husband. So, on the back end, I’m trying to make more of an effort to show that this is a difficult topic for them too.
When Jimmy found out it was male factor infertility, read here.
Jimmy and his wife considering IVF/ICSI, read here.
How the cost of IVF determines which route to go, read Jimmy’s thoughts here.
The decision to go forward with IVF, read here.
The medical realities of IVF, read about the medications and other details here.
The IVF treatment, pics and details here.
The results, the waiting game.
Thanks Jimmy for sharing your story on my blog!
» Filed Under Infertility | Please Share Your Thoughts; Leave a Comment!
The Male Perspective
Posted on November 11, 2008
When my husband and I were trying to have a baby I rarely consider how he felt about the monthly disappointment of not getting pregnant. Partially because he didn’t seen to be bothered by it. It was his opinion that it was just taking a little longer than most people, but that everything would be okay. That is his general attitude about life so I assumed he was okay.
Once we found out that we needed to consider IVF/ICSI in order to have a child his mindset changed. He still didn’t seem too upset that we would never be able to have a child via spontaneous conception (i.e., intercourse). In fact, he was of the opinion maybe he wasn’t meant to be a father. Again, he didn’t seem too upset that life had thrown him a curve. However, I wanted to be a mom and his “oh well” attitude didn’t sit well with me.
During our IVF cycle I could tell this laid-back guy was stressed out. He was nervous about the procedures, worried that we just threw a bunch of money at something that wasn’t guaranteed to work, and how all of this would impact our marriage. When we found out we were pregnant with twins, he was once again a little nervous about raising two kids at once.
But when I was admitted into the hospital for preterm labor, this guy who doesn’t get upset about much and approaches life with pure ease became overwhelmed. He wasn’t able to support me the way that I thought he should, but what I didn’t know at the time was that he was scared. He was scared for our unborn children, he was scared for me, and he was scared for himself.
I recently read an article about postpartum depression in men. At first I chuckled at the article, but by the time I got to the end I realized my husband had a lot more emotion about the entire process than I ever gave him credit for. For some men becoming a dad means they give up all of their freedoms. I know that was an issue for my husband. Once he found out he was infertile I think he started to imagine a life full of travel and toys free from anyone or anything holding him back.
The article stated that male postpartum depression is almost as common as womens postpartum. Again, I dismissed this until I started to think about how different women and men are. The postpartum might be very different for the sexes, but I have no doubt it is just as difficult for the men to process and admit as it is for women.
Do you know how your partner is doing?
» Filed Under Infertility, Relationships, pregnancy | 1 Comment
Male Factor Infertility
Posted on November 7, 2008
Not much is really said about male factor infertility. Whenever I mention that my husband and I used fertility treatments to build our family people always ask what was wrong with me. Yet, more than30 percent of infertility issues are due to the male factor.
Next week I’ll be posting two blogs about the male perspective. Since I was in this mindset already, an opportunity to share our story with another blogger who seeks input from other couples came my way. Funny how things work out sometimes… To read her article and the interview about male factor infertility go to, Quips and Tips for Couples Coping with Infertility.
» Filed Under Infertility, Marriage | 3 Comments
Articles Worthy of Your Time
Posted on November 5, 2008
Through the connections I’ve been making on Twitter I have found a couple of great resources that should be shared:
First is a beautifully written article about how infertility hurts at Totally Her.
The second is an article about how mindset can sometimes control our destiny. I know that I often say to myself, “I don’t want to forget to _______” and I forget. After reading this article I’ll change my internal words to, “I need to remember to ______” so that the focus is on remembering and not forgetting. Great advice. There is also a short video to watch, called the Mind Movie. Want to get pregnant? Read more on the IVF Cost blog.
P.S. remember to leave a comment to win a free copy of Hope Happens.
» Filed Under Infertility, Personal Growth, Resources | 1 Comment
